When I was a kid, we had regional wrestling with guys like Danny Hodge, Skandor Akbar, the Assasins, Sputnick Monroe and the like. The promotor was a blind guy from Oklahoma named Leroy McGurk. Leroy was also the color man on TV even though he was blind. He ended every show with my favorite wrestling quote of all times:
Hey, my first post. I used to have a list of my fave wrestling quotes but its long gone. There was some I read in a recent PWI magazine from Steiner in his WCW days that I think got him suspended. I can't believe I don't remember these. "Ric Flair stole Buddy Roger's name, but he couldn't steal his class. Flair ought to take a cab instead of a limo so he can get those crooked yellow teeth fixed. When I saw Flair come back to Nitro on TV the other night, I turned the channel so I could watch 'Stone-Cold'. Flair was the jealous old bastard who got him fired from here in the first place, and he's just jealous because his career is over." And, "Why don't you try to convince Dallas Page to have a sex change so he has the balls to come out here and face me. He proved he can take someone out of the trailer, but he'll always be white trash."
And just about anything Edge and Christian said in their good old dynasty days "totally reeks of awesomeness".
So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one---big hitter, the Lama---long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consiousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.
From the CRZ archives, Mankind before SummerSlam '99: ******************************** "Hold on, Chyna. Now I know there's always been a vague sexual tension between us - you and your revealing little outfits, and me in mine. I'm gonna try to put all that aside, and tell you that *I* want a piece of SummerSlam. And if you've got the testicu- the ovarialogical fortitude to give me a shot tonight in this very ring for that #1 Contender role, how does that sound, Milwaukee?" and then he climbs into the corner to gauge the reaction - so Chyna gives him a Golota. "In case you don't get it, that means no." As she walks off, Mankind meekly throws an "Are you sure?" out. Ha!
Oh, man, too many for me to remember, so I'll just give you two. One was my sig.
"I'm a woman. I know how women are." Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley
I got a chuckle out of that, just because the redudnancy of that statement was off the page.
One more... "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired!" Paul Bearer after he screwed the Undertaker at Summerslam '96.
I never truly knew what that statement meant until now. Looking back at what I've seen in the WWE in the last year and a half, and all the emotion I felt, that REALLY sums it up!
Ringmistress
Proper planning prevents piss poor performance" William Regal
Originally posted by Ringmistress"I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired!"
I guess he shoulda married Lenin's daughter.
"Contrary to popular belief, there are no good wars, with the following exceptions: the American Revolution, World War II and the 'Star Wars' trilogy." -Bart Simpson
"Nice tie, 13 cents...don't look at the tie, LOOK AT THE ROCK."
It seems that I am - in no particular order - Zack Morris, John Adams, a Siren, Janeane Garofalo, Cheer Bear, Aphrodite, a Chihuahua, Data, Cletus the Slack Jawed Yokel, Amy-Wynn Pastor, Hydrogen, Bjork, Spider-Man, Boston, and a Chaotic Good Elvin Bard-Mage.
Who could forget when Cruiserweight Champ Chris Jericho introduced his challengers for the title in a battle royal? I actually have that typed up somewhere:
---
DAVE PENZER: "Ladies and Gentlemen, as Slamboree continues, this is the Cruiserweight Battle Royale, the winner to face Chris Jericho tonight. In this contest wrestlers can be eliminated by either pin fall or when their feet touch the ringside floor. And ladies and gentlemen, here are the participants..."
CHRIS JERICHO: "Hold on just one second here, David Penzer you unintelligible moronic high voiced dweeb! You know nothing about the sport of pro wrestling and you know nothing about these fine competitors coming out today. So I'm gonna do all the Jerichoholics a great favor. I'm gonna introduce all of the contestants in the cruiserweight battle royale. Let's face it, one of these fine contestants will get a chance at the cruiserweight belt, (they'll never win it), but tonight you're gonna see a great match from a great competitor. Let's get down to the list here..."
"Coming out first from (?)(Sounds like Sunchimilko) Mexico, you'll notice his hat NEVER comes off, the master of trick-track, the master of Da Funk, he is Super Calo! Look at those moves ladies and gentlemen. You got about a one in ten chance of winning, maybe."
"Next, from El Paso, Mexico, this guy used to be a great bar tender, but it hasn't translated into his wrestling skills, he is the scourge of the illustrious Guerrero family, he is Chavo Guerrero Jr. maybe a two in ten chance of winning."
"Coming out next, from Mexico, this is a rags to riches story, from selling chimichangas on the streets to WCW is Ciclope!"
"Then we got Damien. He can't afford a mask, he's using paint, but sooner or later he's gonna buy a mask, I'm guaranteein' you that."
"Here we go, the winner of the Lou Ferrigno look alike contest, this guy is also from Mexico, El Dandy."
"Coming out next is the (?), feather weight pacer(?) champion, El Grillo."
"Now this guy pulled up in a nice rusted out '68 El Camino Chevy, he's the ugliest man in our sport today, he's the illustrious Quazijuice Skelerra."
"A former champion in many countries, he's gonna rock rock til he drops, rock rock never stop, Marty Jannetty, ladies and gentlemen."
"Coming up next from Allentown, PA. He's a lost and lonely soul, his name is Kidman. And Kidman, I've got some Calamine lotion for you after the show!"
"This guy's the true shooter of WCW, does he have a chance? No, zero chance, no way, he's Evan Courageous, ladies and gents."
"Oh yeah, straight from Minneapolis, Minnesota, I want my Lover Boy tape back, Lenny Lane!"
"And of course we've got Psychosis, he's got a lot of hubcaps in his collection, if you need one, he'll procure one for you after the show."
"This guy is Silver King, if he wins twelve more matches he'll be upgraded to Golden King."
"This guy is Johnny Sinjer? Johnny SSS.... Johnny Swinger? You ever heard of this guy? I haven't. Zero out of ten chance in winning! No chance."
"And last but not least, representing Villanos 1 through 62, from the Villano family, he is Villano IV."
"Those are your contestants in tonight's battle royale, I'm going in the back for a coffee cause none of these guys will ever ever beat me for my belt!"
That Jericho transcript was AWESOME! That is why I love him so much. He is the best thing about wrestling now.
I loved when he would wreslte Malenko and he'd call out the moves:
" Move 1,004, the arm bar!"
Just brilliant.
Conspiracy Victim was one of the greatest running bits ever.
So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one---big hitter, the Lama---long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consiousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.
Jannetty was just one of many jobbers that WCW had during '97-'99. They hired practically everyone in wrestling back then.
Triple H's Theme ----------------------
Time to flame the lame... time to flame the lame
It's all about the game, and how you play it I hunger for control, That why I'm with Stephanie It's all about the lame,and Vince has gotta pay me... I am the lame... you don't want to like me... I want control I used to do Joanie... I am Kev's bitch... But people still hate me I am the lame... and Zenk is going to flame me
It's a slow rainy day, so why not spend it cluttering CRZ's board with another ECW Recap. Before we get started I got new tires today and spent the time waiting at the K-Mart down the road. I saw a young member of the WWE Universe (age7-10?)